Skin Deep

The night was quiet, still as stone And in an estate most grand Lord Pennyworth of Lanshire Prepared to hatch his final plan. He stood atop society’s elite. A vast fortune, the finest house. His intellect was unparalleled, And yet he could not find a spouse. For although the debutantes Found Pennyworth satisfying, Anyone short […]

A Smash Hit

I was suddenly curious about how much a market there were for Donald Trump piñatas, so I looked it up.  It turns out even Walmart is selling them.  And they look… impressively unlike him.   Mexican politicians also smashed a Trump piñata during a party last Christmas, and former president Vicente Fox wrecked one before […]

Yawn Talk

A yawn is not so much an expression of tiredness as it is a stretch.  If you want to stop yawning, don’t hide your yawns; lean into them and do a hardcore yawn.  This is best accomplished by opening your mouth widely and sticking your tongue out. Yawns are contagious because they’re an instinctual reaction […]

Basic Theme Songs

I evaluate all music based on how well it would underscore my daily life, mixing everything into playlists corresponding to situations I may encounter.  Here are some of my favorites. Waking up Traveling at night (peaceful) Traveling at night (creepy) Traveling on a highway Sitting in traffic Walking during the day Walking in winter (pleasant) […]

Obsolete Science

Phrenology was a science that portioned off different parts of the brain and associated each with a personality trait.  By observing the shape of your head, practitioners believed themselves able to determine your personality based on which areas of your brain were bigger.   Physiognomy, on the other hand, was the study of assessing someone’s […]

Favorite Real Mobster Names

Benny Mangano aka “Benny Eggs” – named because his mother owned an egg farm. Mickey Callahan aka “Cheesebox” Ciro Terranova aka “The Artichoke King” – named after his early years of intimidating vegetable merchants into overpaying for his artichokes. Louis Attansio aka “Louie Ha Ha” – named after his habit of laughing when he heard […]